Sarah Palin takes “shits bigger than Phil Kessel”.  Okay, maybe she does.  Anyway, here’s some YouTube goodness with an animated Larry King and Sarah Palin discussing Brian Burke’s latest moves.

Everybody kneels before The Dion.

The Dion cares not for sun tanning.

The Dion will smoke your smokes, and poke your strippers.

It doesn’t matter to the Dion what you think of him.  He knows everything he does is bad-ass, even when it means tucking his privates away and singing Billy Joel for a bunch of drunks.

The Dion cares not for your learning books and college words.

The Dion cares not for others.

Despite my juvenile Photoshop skills, I think you get the picture.  The Toronto Maple Leafs are pitiful, a team that has regressed rather than progressed under the management of Brian Burke.  Ron Wilson has been the target of blame for most mainstream media types, taking the brunt of criticism for the team’s horrible penalty kill and lack of defensive responsibility.  Some of that criticism is justified, Wilson appears to have lost whatever grip he had on this sad sack roster.  However, the man responsible for a large part of this inept squad continues to go unscathed despite his questionable personnel decisions.

As bad as they have been in recent years, it’s unlikely anyone would have predicted the Leafs would have been as awful as they are.  Am I wrong, or was part of Burke’s M.O. to rebuild this once proud franchise?  If that was the case, then their performance thus far in 2009-10 would be a little more acceptable as it would have produced a potential number one draft pick.  That’s not the case, as Boston is laughing their way to the entry draft after having once again fleeced the Leafs in a trade.  While Burke isn’t the man responsible for sending Tuukka Rask to Boston, he is the sole figure of blame for sending the team’s future to Boston for Phil Kessel.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are set to rid themselves of nearly $20 million in cap space at the end of the season, which is looking rather attractive at this point considering their immediate need to re-tool the roster.  Once again, they’re going to have to tear up the puzzle and put it back together again.  Perhaps if Burke had of kept his mouth shut and laid off the pre-season playoff predictions, then this wouldn’t come as such a surprise to Leafs Nation.  Instead, they’re left with a second tier star in Phil Kessel, an over abundance of defensemen, no first round draft choice until 2012, and a couple of sieves in goal.

It begs the question; what has Burke’s flurry of transactions done to improve the state of the franchise?  At this point, very little.  Sure Kessel might score 40 goals in a blue shirt, and that defense core could be pretty imposing if it got its shit together, but Toronto is a mess with no surefire clean-up in sight.  Are Burke’s hands tied with Ron Wilson not only being his friend, but also his coach for the American Olympic team?  Maybe, but that’s beside the point.  Brian Burke has done a terrible job in his first year as the general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Maybe it’s time to stop pondering the potential of acquiring Ilya Kovalchuk and start demanding some accountability from the guy who should be held accountable.

Toronto Maple Leafs 25-year old goaltender Jonas Gustavsson has the heart of a chain-smoker and he’ll miss at least a week of hockey after experiencing his second bout of elevated heart rate versus Montreal on Tuesday.

Gustavsson is scheduled to undergo his second heart procedure of this season in hopes to cauterize the problem.  Joey MacDonald will be handling the bulk of goaltending duties in the meantime.  According to a Toronto cardiologist speaking with the Globe And Mail, a second “ablation” procedure has an even higher success rate than the initial one… well we would certainly hope so.

The doctor would like to remain anonymous, you know… just in case.

Is it December 5th already?  It must be because Phil Kessel is making his long awaited debut for the blue and white tonight versus the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Kessel is a quick healer, apparently.  I’m choosing to believe that Brian Burke pulled a “Jedi mind trick” on Phil and the team doctors, but hey, the Leafs are must-watch TV for the first time since Eric Lindros made his Toronto debut.  I suppose this grand occasion will also mark the first time anyone has tuned into Rogers Sportsnet since the Toronto Blue Jays were 17-games above .500, as well.

Most reports have Kessel skating on a line with Matt Stajan and Jason Blake, whom he skated with during Tuesday morning’s practice.  They’re a far-cry from Marc Savard and Milan Lucic, although Stajan has made like four nice passes so far this season so he’s obviously their best bet as a playmaker for Burke’s adopted son.  Jason Blake has been lighting the lamp at a John Kordic-esque pace early this season so we’ll see what kind of chemistry develops from this trio.

To be honest with you, I really hope something good comes out of this.  As resistant a Leafs’ fan that I am, even I can’t take them being this shitty.  Not when I’m forced to struggle through their games 3-4 nights a week.  C’mon Phil, win the Cup for us.

Fuck swine flu, fuck murder, fuck everything.

This.  Is.  Your.  Top.  Story.

The NHL’s only winless team finally scored a victory.  This city has an abundance of unsolved crime, and this is your top story.

Plan the fucking parade, Brian Burke always believed in this group.