It seems as though the excitement of Team Canada’s orientation camp has got everyone abuzz and in the mood to drop their picks for the squad on the public. I thought I would take my turn to chime in. I promise to be fair in my consideration of all the potential roster spots and I won’t let any personal grievances or judgments of character influence my decisions.
In fact, I’ll have you know that I believe Chris Pronger is a lock for the team even though I hate his guts and wish to punch him in his ugly face. With that said, you can expect Marc Savard to be excluded. Not because he’s a faux hawked douche bag, but because he sucks a thousand lonely dicks. FUCK HIM.
Here’s how we’ll work this thing, I’ll consider all of the players invited to the orientation camp and another dozen or so hopefuls that were overlooked for an invite or could be fairly projected to draw some attention in the upcoming season. We’re not going to have to provide explanation for every choice we make here. Just because YOU think that Sidney Crosby is a crybaby doesn’t negate the fact that he’s the best we’ve got ability wise.
Okay, let’s take a look at Hockeyhead’s plan for the net:
Marc-Andre Fleury: I love Steve Mason just as much as the next guy, but if the guys above got hurt or played like shit; I’d rather have the Stanley Cup winning goalie there to back them up.
Scott Niedermayer — Chris Pronger
Jay Bouwmeester — Shea Weber
Dan Boyle — Duncan Keith
Dion Phaneuf: Phaneuf looked like a shadow of his former self last season, even Pierre McGuire had trouble standing by him. He’s likely to bounce back, but I’m giving spots to Keith and Weber over him right now. I wouldn’t call Phaneuf an “alternate” at this point, but he’s my 7th defenseman.
Rick Nash — Sidney Crosby — Jarome Iginla
Dany Heatley — Vincent Lecavalier — Eric Staal
Brenden Morrow — Mike Richards — Ryan Getzlaf
Jonathan Toews — Joe Thornton — Brad Boyes
Jordan Staal: Mark it down, I’m telling you that Jordan Staal is going to breakout in a major way this season… if you didn’t already know that. I gave Shane Doan’s roster spot to Brad Boyes because he’s younger, faster, and more of a natural scoring threat.
Brenden Morrow put up career highs in 2007-08, but he was derailed by a torn ACL in his right knee last season. He’s a leader and will undoubtedly be on the rebound and looking to earn his way onto this team.
Simon Gagne: Come on, I dare you. He’s soft and shitty beyond the realm of reasonable shittyness.
Jeff Carter: I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I’d like to see him put piles of goals again before really considering him for this team.
Cam Ward: I love him, everything about him. He’s a throwback. If Martin Brodeur gets hurt or if he aged this offseason, then I’d call Cam.
Ryan Smyth: Bah, just kidding. We’re all waaaay over him by now, right? We’ll replace his ugly mug on the banner as soon as someone takes some time to Photoshop a new “head”.