Morning Head: Mike Smith Isn’t Half The Man I Wish He Was

I’m just being honest here, I had no intention of watching a hockey game last night. I was firmly entrenched in the well-worn seat cushions of my couch and ready to watch some baseball. When Clayton Kershaw started walking everyone and chucking nothing but cheese, I took the opportunity to check in on a real-life head-to-head battle between my fantasy hockey goaltenders from the Faceoff Hockey Show Hockey League.

Pretty pathetic duo on my part.  I managed to snare Rick Nash, Joe Thornton, Anze Kopitar,  and Nicklas Lidstrom while others were on a goalie run.  I just hope it doesn’t kill me in the end.

A regular season match-up between Tampa Bay and Ottawa would normally intrigue me about as much as having my own scrotum kicked from behind.  Give me a little fantasy incentive (and a TBS baseball broadcast heavy on commercial breaks) and I’m all over the NHLPA Hockey ’93 expansion battle.  Sidorkiewicz!

I’ve liked what I’ve seen from Pascal Leclaire this season, he might work out for my team.  Especially when you consider that this Ottawa team isn’t as bad as Leafs’ fans wish they were.  Mike Smith, though…  Mike Smith is a bag ‘o holes.

I liked Mike Smith.  Maybe it had nothing to do with his abilities in net but more to do with how he looks like he’d be a cool guy to play road hockey with, if you could get him out of bed early enough.  He’s not solely to blame for the Lightning’s 7-1 loss last night, but he didn’t exactly help their cause, either.

Well, whatever.  It turned out to be an eventful game with Milan Michalek notching a hattie and a flurry of fist-chucking that went on throughout the night.  Michalek’s three goals were a landmark achievement when you consider that he nearly had his leg amputated back in the Czech Republic (according to Spongebob MacKenzie, wtf?).

Watching Matt Carkner pound the piss out of Steve Downie was a treat, too.  My only question with the Sens right now is where the fuck is Jonathan Cheechoo, is he even on this team?  Moose Factory, how about moose cock, that’s what he’s sucking right now.

Knuckle Up: