I can’t believe I’m actually posting haiku. Anyway, it’s April 20th, which I know for some people that are into certain things often means they celebrate by filling up their lungs with luscious clouds of sweet-sweet ganja smoke.  That picture of the Stanley Cup may have originated from the Dallas Stars’ 1999 Cup celebrations, when “Dimebag” Darrell (R.I.P.) and the boys from Pantera were hanging around. That’s just a guess, though. If I don’t despise myself for doing this I might keep ‘em coming.

Halak was wrong choice
The Caps grinders buried him
No one is surprised

Ovie was not great
He did not need to be great
Habs should Fehr the Caps

Bad penalties hurt
Any chance the Habs comeback?
Price can answer that

Wideman got a goal
But Tuukka Rask stole the show
Vanek still no go

Lots of hits were thrown
Bergeron scored the winner
Miller is alone

Two Czechs dropped the gloves
Sobotka fought Sekera
Nothing landed though

Vancouver scored first
Then L.A. followed with four
They both added more

Something you don’t see
No player who wears the ‘C’
But guy in the crease

Canucks’ net was shits
Physicality was key
Doughty is the tits

Our good friends at CapitalsOutsider and Gunaxin pointed us to this clip from the intermission at last night’s Capitals/Senators game that features Washington Redskins tight ends Chris Cooley and Fred Davis racing tricycles on the ice.  Not exactly a stunning feat of athleticism here, but I bet both of these guys would take a pass from these ice girls over Jason Campbell any day.

I don’t know about you, but I’m about to heave a cinder block through a CTV window over all this Olympics’ propaganda.  The official CTV Olympics song “I Believe”, which I’ve heard was recorded and produced in the United States, makes me ears bleed.  Enough.

For me, and let’s face it, you if you’re here reading this; only one Olympic Gold Medal matters.  Hackey.

I took the opportunity to talk Olympic hockey on the beer and boobs “men’s site” Gunaxin.  They’ve got their own Gunaxin Show hosted by MastersOfNone co-host Mike.  I’m also a contributor to the Gunaxin machine, so along with Gunaxin co-founder and CapitalsOutsider contributor Zach, I hopped on to talk Vancouver 2010 Olympics’ puck.

I think we may have hockey nerded Mike out by the end of the show, but it’s good fun.  Starting goalie predictions, roster talk, and international hockey’s appeal to the casual fan, just a few of the topics we touch on.  Check ‘er out bud, subscribe on the iTunes.

It seems as though the excitement of Team Canada’s orientation camp has got everyone abuzz and in the mood to drop their picks for the squad on the public.  I thought I would take my turn to chime in.  I promise to be fair in my consideration of all the potential roster spots and I won’t let any personal grievances or judgments of character influence my decisions.

In fact, I’ll have you know that I believe Chris Pronger is a lock for the team even though I hate his guts and wish to punch him in his ugly face.  With that said, you can expect Marc Savard to be excluded.  Not because he’s a faux hawked douche bag, but because he sucks a thousand lonely dicks.  FUCK HIM.

Here’s how we’ll work this thing, I’ll consider all of the players invited to the orientation camp and another dozen or so hopefuls that were overlooked for an invite or could be fairly projected to draw some attention in the upcoming season.  We’re not going to have to provide explanation for every choice we make here.  Just because YOU think that Sidney Crosby is a crybaby doesn’t negate the fact that he’s the best we’ve got ability wise.

Okay, let’s take a look at Hockeyhead’s plan for the net:

GOALIES:

Roberto Luongo

Martin Brodeur

Marc-Andre Fleury:  I love Steve Mason just as much as the next guy, but if the guys above got hurt or played like shit; I’d rather have the Stanley Cup winning goalie there to back them up.

DEFENSE:

Scott Niedermayer — Chris Pronger

Jay Bouwmeester — Shea Weber

Dan Boyle — Duncan Keith

Dion Phaneuf:  Phaneuf looked like a shadow of his former self last season, even Pierre McGuire had trouble standing by him.  He’s likely to bounce back, but I’m giving spots to Keith and Weber over him right now.  I wouldn’t call Phaneuf an “alternate” at this point, but he’s my 7th defenseman.

FORWARDS:

Rick Nash — Sidney Crosby — Jarome Iginla

Dany Heatley — Vincent Lecavalier — Eric Staal

Brenden Morrow — Mike Richards — Ryan Getzlaf

Jonathan Toews — Joe Thornton — Brad Boyes

Jordan Staal:  Mark it down, I’m telling you that Jordan Staal is going to breakout in a major way this season… if you didn’t already know that.  I gave Shane Doan’s roster spot to Brad Boyes because he’s younger, faster, and more of a natural scoring threat.

Brenden Morrow put up career highs in 2007-08, but he was derailed by a torn ACL in his right knee last season.  He’s a leader and will undoubtedly be on the rebound and looking to earn his way onto this team.

ALTERNATES:

Brent Seabrook

Jason Spezza

Corey Perry

Notable Omissions:

Simon Gagne:  Come on, I dare you.  He’s soft and shitty beyond the realm of reasonable shittyness.

Jeff Carter:  I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I’d like to see him put piles of goals again before really considering him for this team.

Cam Ward:  I love him, everything about him.  He’s a throwback.  If Martin Brodeur gets hurt or if he aged this offseason, then I’d call Cam.

Ryan Smyth:  Bah, just kidding.  We’re all waaaay over him by now, right?  We’ll replace his ugly mug on the banner as soon as someone takes some time to Photoshop a new “head”.