The headline should tell you all you need to know.  Yes, it’s true, Hockey Head will be taking a bit of rest for the foreseeable future.  There’s no need to weep, I won’t be disappearing for long.  I’ve taken the opportunity to join The Score as a full-time writer/web producer.  With that said, if you look hard enough you should be able to find my trail of irreverent hockey news and all the latest dick jokes on The Score’s spiffy new(ish) website.

As much as I like to consider myself DIY, I can say with complete confidence that I’m excited as hell to join the already impressive cast of writers and bloggers at The Score.  I’d imagine you’ll find my fingerprints on some posts at Hockey Or Die, where I’m hoping my penchant for the ridiculous provides a nice complement to Jonathan Willis’ statistical smorgasbord.  Should be a hoot.  As well, I’m working on The Break, which essentially plays like a snapshot of the inside of my brain anyway.

So with that, I bid you farewell (for now).  Thanks for being a regular reader of Hockey Head, and to dem racist sons-a-bitches that loved to litter the comment section with trash and call me a hack… suck my stick.

The Washington Capitals, your paper champions… hand shaking.

Hot Dog

Hamburger

Hot Dog

Umberger

No More Hot Dogs

Party Time

I can’t believe I’m actually posting haiku. Anyway, it’s April 20th, which I know for some people that are into certain things often means they celebrate by filling up their lungs with luscious clouds of sweet-sweet ganja smoke.  That picture of the Stanley Cup may have originated from the Dallas Stars’ 1999 Cup celebrations, when “Dimebag” Darrell (R.I.P.) and the boys from Pantera were hanging around. That’s just a guess, though. If I don’t despise myself for doing this I might keep ‘em coming.

Halak was wrong choice
The Caps grinders buried him
No one is surprised

Ovie was not great
He did not need to be great
Habs should Fehr the Caps

Bad penalties hurt
Any chance the Habs comeback?
Price can answer that

Wideman got a goal
But Tuukka Rask stole the show
Vanek still no go

Lots of hits were thrown
Bergeron scored the winner
Miller is alone

Two Czechs dropped the gloves
Sobotka fought Sekera
Nothing landed though

Vancouver scored first
Then L.A. followed with four
They both added more

Something you don’t see
No player who wears the ‘C’
But guy in the crease

Canucks’ net was shits
Physicality was key
Doughty is the tits

I suppose the hit is a non-issue. I had belligerently (read: piss drunkenly) called it an elbow after first viewing the hit, but I guess she was a clean one. Still, at 6’5″ or whatever Sutton stands, he’s bound to hurt a guy or two when he hits.

I make mistakes all the time, but it’s much funnier when a large broadcast conglomerate makes them.  A little tap-o-the-sticks to The Last Angry Fan for this golden goody of hilarious copy editing.  The Devils clearly have the advantage if  Zajac has the stamina to uh, carry his teammates through this series.

The 1987-88 Detroit Red Wings Award (formerly Hookers and Blow award, formerly Probert and Kocur award):

Given to the player to register the most fighting majors for the season.  Other criteria for consideration include blood drawn, blood spilled, heads cracked, hands broken, and estimated number of opponents who may have shat their pants.

2010 Recipient:  Zenon Konopka.

The Peter Sidorkiewicz Trophy:

Awarded annually to the most mediocre goaltender forced into regular duty, although he has no business playing every day.

2010 Recipient:  Jeff Deslauriers

The Darcy Tucker Award:

Given to a player that registers a career-high in goals during a contract year in an effort to secure a big payday.

2010 Recipient:  Patrick Marleau

The Steve Downie Trophy:

Awarded annually to the player judged to be the biggest piece of shit by both players and fans.

2010 Recipient:  Steve Downie

The Harold Ballard Award:

Given to the executive that caused the most irreparable damage to his team by shortsighted transactions.

2010 Recipient:  Brian Burke

The Tom McVie Award:

Awarded annually to the coach that displays the most dysfunctional on-ice product.

2010 Recipient:  Rick Tocchet (ed. note; Rick is no longer a coach.)

The Todd Bertuzzi Trophy:

The Todd Bertuzzi trophy is given to a player that works the hardest to reinforce every ‘violence in hockey’ stereotype known.  Usually awarded to the player with the most attempt to injures, attempted murders, and sucker punches.  Previous winners include Scott Walker, Todd Bertuzzi, and Marty McSorely.

2010 Recipient:  Matt Cooke

The Chris Chelios Award:

Pretty self explanatory, but given to the NHL’s oldest player.  Should be no surprise here once again.

2010 Recipient:  Chris Chelios

The Mike Ricci Trophy:

Given to a player with the best mop on his head.

2010 Recipient:  Scott Hartnell

Say what you will about the KHL, but I think it’d be fun as fuck to play there if I were a lazy NHL hockey player with a shitty attitude and no sense of “team”.  The conference finals of the Gagarin Cup, which sounds like something Wilt Chamberlain may have sipped from in Conan The Destroyer, are beginning tomorrow and are even going to be broadcast on ESPN 360.  So yo might as well grab some borscht and watch some highly skilled forwards mosey around some less than stellar defensemen.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxq-KIdRwMc

[s/t to The Big Lead for the clip]